BARSTOW, California - Deejay Samantha Ronson was returning from having performed at a Quinceañera Party in Las Vegas when she was pulled over for doing 89 mph in a 29 mph speed zone.
Ronson, the ex-girlfriend of Lindsay "The Lucky Bitch" Lohan, told the California Highway Patrol Officer that the reason she was going so fast was because she had gotten a cramp in her right calf and the pain caused her to push her foot down on the accelerator.
The 33-year-old was told to step out of her black Porsche and was given a modified California Field Sobriety Test. She was instructed to touch her nose, then her mouth, both of her ears, one of her wisdom teeth, and both nipples.
She failed all commands except for the mouth one, she did manage to stick her foot in her mouth when she responded to the officers question of "Have you been drinking?" by answering, "Well copy cop sir dat all depensh on what shore definishun of drinking ish."
The officer then asked her to name the president of the United States. When she asked the officer if she could open her purse and take a look at one of the dollars he immediately read her, her rights, placed her in handcuffs, and put her in the backseat of the police squad car.
As she sat in the back, Samantha told the officer that she just remembered his name...Washington...Abraham Washington.
Ms. Ronson was taken to The Barstow Police Station where she was fingerprinted and had her photo taken. The police station clerk who took the picture reportedly told the arresting officer that in the six years that she has worked as a mug shot photographer that she has never seen an uglier mug shot than Samantha Ronson's.
She giggled as she said that the skinny, fake blonde skank is actually beyond coyote ugly. She winked and whispered to the arresting officer, "Dude the bitch is Chupacabra ugly!"
Barstow, California is located 115 miles northeast of Los Angeles and is noted for being the birthplace of mulch.