Austin, Texas -- Lady Gaga was seriously singed in a barbecue mishap last night, apparently sparked by her famous meat dress, which caused a case of mistaken identity.
"We thought she was the side of beef trying to escape from the pen," said Dilly Clawson, president of the Austin Cattlemen's Association. "We did with her what we do with any tender cut. We roped her. We knocked her out. And we put her on a rotisserie over an open fire."
Lady Gaga was in Austin for the city's Melody Drive Festival, a weekend of popular music that takes place in venues throughout the town. Apparently, the performer mistook the cattle drive for the melody drive, and thus became part of the main course for the cattlemen's event.
"Of course eventually we realized our mistake," Clawson said. "But by then some of our guests had taken a few bites of her rump. They said she tasted like chicken."
The performer is currently resting in the Austin City Limits Hospital, suspended in a vat of A-1 sauce. Although her condition is medium rare, she's expected to recover fully.
In fact, a new Lady Gaga album is scheduled to be produced while she is recuperating. "She uses so much Autotune, we can let the program sing all of her parts on its own, and no one will know the difference," said Clem Wilson, chief engineer for a soon-to-be defunct record label.
"We're not sure about her dancing," said Mark Greenberg, Lady Gaga's personal choreographer. "I for one think that it can only improve. One reason that she got herself into this mess is that she moves like a cow."
Many Lady Gaga critics contend that the performer is merely a mediocre Madonna impersonator. Madonna is among them. "Perhaps she has learned her lesson," the elder singer said. "Maybe she will no longer tell everyone she meets to 'bite me.' "