Written by Tom Crews
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Thursday, 28 July 2011

image for Jordan buys space shuttle Atlantis, plans to paint it bright pink - Neighbours not happy
Jordan's new runabout.

Pneumatically enhanced model come author Jordan is well known for her love of all things pink ,famously respraying her fleet of flash motors including her new Bugatti bright pink. Apparently her sights are now set a lot higher ,in fact they could be said to be out of this world because the pint sized pocket rocket is allegedly in the final stages of purchasing the recently mothballed space shuttle Atlantis.

To the horror of her neighbours not only will she be having the classic space craft repainted pink but will also be launching it for trips to the shops from a specially constructed launch pad in her back garden.

One of her close neighbours Mr N Parker told us that he feared the noise and pollution would be "unbearable" and explained it would block his view of her hot tub, vowing to fight Jordan in the courts if necessary ,stating " how much will my property be worth when its bang next door to a shuttle launch pad? Nowt that's how much"

How the stars breasts will fair in zero gravity is another concern. Nasa spokesperson Mr B Lightyear explained that fake tits have never been tested in space and could cause a fatal breach of the shuttles hull if they were to explode or even worse implode causing an uncontrollable black hole that would suck up all matter, including the Earth into it. Mr Lightyear went on to say that tests would have to be carried out on the models boobs and he has personally volunteered to carry out the lengthy integrity tests himself.

Last night Jordan was unavailable for comment,although one of her hangers on said "what Jordan wants Jordan gets".

God help us all.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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