Written by Arthur Ginn
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Tuesday, 17 January 2006

image for George Clooney Finally Finishes "The Passion of The Clooney"
From Christ To Clooney

According to the Internet Movie Data Base, George Clooney has begun post-production work on the film "The Passion of the Clooney" a movie about his perceived persecution in the media.

"The similarities between me and Christ are striking." said Clooney. "Christ fed the masses with one fish and a loaf of bread. I'm building a casino with an all you can eat shrimp bar."

"The Passion Of the Clooney" is the first film written, directed, produced, gaffed, and catered by Clooney. It details his battles with those in the media who have the teremity to oppose his views. The movie recalls famous scuffles such as Clooney's opposition to overzealous paparazzi to his appearance on The O'Reilly Factor in which his liberal views against the Iraq war were questioned.

"There was a time when I was being put on magazines with headlines saying traitor. After O'Reilly questioned my patriotism it put me off models for a week." said Clooney.

During the movie's most controversial sequence, Clooney walks down Hollywood Blvd wearing a crown of thorns with a man-sized rusted Oscar statue strapped to his back as he is whipped with several cat o'nine tails by men in blue suits and red ties. Thousands of paparazzi line the street and blast away with their cameras as a dramatic symphonic remake of "The Facts of Life" theme by John Williams plays on the soundtrack.

Julia Roberts plays an angel sent from Heaven to reassure Clooney that he is on the right path in that only he can save the Earth from the right wing extremists who threaten the very existence of the universe. At the movies end, Clooney becomes a being of pure energy and is assumed into Heaven as his deification is complete. The mere mortals of Earth are left behind to ponder their folly.

"My kind of activism is the kind that makes me money. Sure some people protest,some people write letters to Congress, some people march, some people sit-in, some people run for office, some people campaign for those they want in office. I make movies. And that's better than all the above a jillion times over."

Amen.

"The Passion of the Clooney" opened December 29, 2005 in time for Oscar season. It is rated PG-13.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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