Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 28 July 2011

image for Landau Eugene Murphy, Professor Splash, PopLyfe, and Lys Agnes Move On To The Semifinals of America's Got Talent
Sharon Osbourne said that she could not bear to watch the utterly disgusting performance of The Captain and Maybelle.

HOLLYWOOD - Well as was expected four more America's Got Talent favorites are headed for the shows semifinals and eight other acts have hit the road Jack as Jill St. John said to Jack Nicholson back in 1977.

AGT Host Nick "The Candlestick" Cannon revealed that Frank Sinatra crooner Landau Eugene "Dreadlocks" Murphy, who is probably one of the most sincere, down-to-earth, humble individuals to ever perform on the AGT stage will be going on as will the young Afro-haired rock band PopLyfe who combined have more hair than the entire Pittsburgh Steelers football team.

Also advancing is one of Howie Mandel's favorite performers and one of the prettiest contestants to ever audition for AGT Lys Agnes. Lys is a fantastic opera singer who reportedly has already swayed about 4,000 men nationwide who were fans of hip hop, rap, country music, and blues to become opera fans.

In fact one of the Internet sites reported that right after Lys performed opera sites received 800% more hits than usual.

And one of the acts that has impressed Piers Morgan more than anyone else in the history of the show is Professor Splash who jumped from three stories up down into a kiddie pool filled with 12 inches of water.

Professor Splash will also be moving on bruised ribs, bruised thighs, bruised stomach, bruised wiener and all.

One act that was unsurprisingly voted off the show is The Captain and Maybelle whose act consists of sword swallowing, using power drills to alter facial expressions, and piercing their various body parts with hooks and basically doing all kinds of sick disgusting and repulsive things to their bodies.

But not only were the two tattooed freaks of nature rejected they were both immediately taken into custody and both have been committed and will be having to attend a two month 24-step mental reassessment course at The Henry and Betty Ford Rehab Clinic in Los Angeles.

SIDENOTE: The wannabee lounge singer Mauricio Herrera, who was eliminated announced that he has been booked to appear as an MC/performer on North Korea's cruise ship, The Dashing Kim Jong Il of The Sea.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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