Written by Ollie Trout
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Friday, 22 July 2011

Geordie comic Sarah Millican has caused uproar amongst telly addicts by failing to appear on television for over a week.

The whereabouts of Miss Millican are unknown and police have begun a search to find her and get her back on our screens as soon as possible.

Investigating Officer Simon Reynolds of the Metropolitan Police said,

"We believe the frequency and pressure of her television appearances has led to Miss Millican going into hiding"

"We would advise the public not to approach Miss Millican as she may be highly emotional and could be prone to outbursts of high pitched screeching"

Millican Spotted

Sarah Millican is believed to have been sighted in a well known bakery in South Shields. Mr Gregg, manager of the well known bakery, told us,

"She came in the shop in quite a state and demanded that I put 8 out of 10 of everything in a carrier bag, and then she legged it without paying. She looked like a woman on the edge, I wouldn't have wanted to get in her way!"

Disgruntled fans of popular TV panel shows, such as The Marriage Ref and Mock The Week, have piped up to have their say.

Avid watcher, Gary Henderson lamented: "They say you don't know what you've got until it's gone, I didn't ask for her to come into my life via various panel shows, but she is a part of me now and I need her back."

The search continues.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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