Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 22 July 2011

image for Elin Nordegren Shocks Her New Billionaire Boyfriend By Telling Him He Will Not Get Past 'Third Base'
Elin Nordegren arriving at the Stockholm Museum. (Photo courtesy of Rico Chorizo).

STOCKHOLM, Sweden - Sweden's richest woman Elin Nordegren who came about her $342 million from her divorce settlement from Tiger Woods aka "Dick With Feet" has laid down the ground rules to her new boyfriend one of Sweden's richest bachelor's James "Money Man" Dingham.

The stunning blonde has let Jimmy Ding, as she refers to him, know that he will not be allowed to get past third base. Elin informed her boyfriend with the rather shocking news as they were touring the Stockholm Museum.

The couple was standing in the famed fishing net exhibit section at the time.

At first James laughed and uttered something in Swedish that roughly translated means "yeah right I got a big picture of that."

But when Elin did not laugh or smile or even grin he realized that the ravishingly alluring woman was not kidding.

James sat down with her and made it very clear exactly what first base, second base, and third base encompassed. After Elin had assured him that both he and her were in agreement as to what each of the three bases was he felt a little better.

He shook his head and said that good things come to those who wait. Elin giggled and said that if and when she decides to let him score from third base that it will be fantabulous in every way imaginable.

She also assured him that she is not the least bit conceited but added that whenever he does get to see her pink palace (crotch cookie) for the first time he will not believe how perfectly beautiful it's shaped.

Elin sensing that James was feeling kind of down informed him that she was not just singling him out. She remarked that since her divorce from Tiger "GolfGate" Woods she has dated a total of 218 men and not one of them has gotten past third base.

She laughed and said that one was actually standing on third and tried to steal home but a perfectly place groin kick stopped him short of home plate.

After viewing the Eric The Red Viking exhibit and the exhibit honoring the different mermaids of Sweden's past the happy couple drove in Dingham's baby blue Lamborghini to The Smorgasbord Siren Restaurant.

Elin had the Swedish Meatballs, Pickled Gherkin, and Lingonberry Jam. James had the Flygande Jacob which is a chicken casserole with bananas, peanuts, and bacon.

After their meal the two engaged in a game of footsie and got a couple of singles (one base hits) while at the table.

To view The Smorgasbord Siren Restaurant's extensive Swedish food menu log on to www.extensiveswedishfood.yah

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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