Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 16 July 2011

image for Porn Star Ron Jeremy Happy Slapped Whilst Planking In Peterborough
A Daft Planker Yesterday At Woodstock

US adult movie icon, Ron Jeremy, was recovering today in his room at the Resteasy Motel on the A1 just outside Peterborough, following a happy slapping incident in the city.

Mr Jeremy, visiting the UK in his role as a UN Money Shot Ambassador was in the cathedral precinct in Peterborough with friends, when he took it upon himself to pose for a planking picture on a bench.

It was as Mr Jeremy reached planking perfection on the bench, that a mysterious man on a bike pulled over and happy slapped the star, before making off on his bicycle.

Witnesses stated that the man on the bike called Mr Jeremy "a fat greasy arse licker," before slapping him several times in the face.

Mr Jeremy was not seriously hurt in the attack, but it severely affected his finely tuned spiritual state of planking nirvana to such an extent that he completely abandoned the attempt at planking perfection, and ran all the way back to his motel.

Shopkeeper Madge Thatcher, from Grantham, visiting Peterborough on a shopping excursion saw the whole thing:

"I haven't seen such wanton brutality since the poll tax riots in 1990," she said. "It was so brutal that somebody told me to turn away. I told them in no uncertain terms that this lady is not for turning. I hope young Mister Jeremy is all right after his terrifying ordeal. In fact, I think I shall pay him a visit at the Resteasy Motel and give him a good seeing to - I mean...talking to."

Cambridgeshire police are looking for the man on the bike, although they aren't guaranteeing success because too many resources are being utilised in the hunt for the mysteriously enigmatic mystery blonde.

More as we get it.

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