Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 16 July 2011

image for Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony Shockingly Announce That They're Divorcing!
Sports Territory Magazine has named J.Lo's legs as The Best Looking Legs since the times of Adam and Eve.

MANHATTAN - Jennifer Lopez and her husband Marc Anthony had just had dinner and were leaving Manhattan's exquisite Cinderella Cafeteria.

The couple dined in the privacy of the cafeteria's luxurious Daniel Boone Elbow Room on an order of Lobster Newberg, Chateaubriand, and Sopapillas.

They looked quite somber as they left and got into their 2011 silver Lamborghini with the personalized license plate LA CHULA.

Lopez and Anthony later got together with Tilapia Frisbee of The Right Coast Illustrated Revue. She asked them point blank what in the world happened to the fairytale romance that the couple has lived for the past seven years.

Anthony simply shrugged his shoulders. Jennifer meanwhile said that for one thing she kinda got fed up with Marc not taking her calls and allowing them to always go to voicemail.

She also added that he never returns her text messages and when he does he simply replies with the standard reply of (?).

Anthony just sat in his chair looking at his watch. J.Lo then remarked that Mark has also become extremely jealous and that this past year when she signed on to be a judge on America Idol, Marc accompanied her to every single audition and then when the season started he sat behind her during every single live telecast.

Lopez said that Marc has always been very jealous and that back in May during one of the live show commercials he got up from his seat, tapped Steven "Lips" Tyler on his shoulder, and told him that if he did not stop ogling his wife's legs that he was going to hit him with his belt during the next commercial.

He also told Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson that he had better never even think about touching J.Lo or even giving her a high five, a low-five, or a fist bump or he would hit him so hard that he would have a permanently pitchy voice.

Marc never worried about the shows host Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest because he knows that he is happy as hell with his girlfriend the stunningly sexy and gorgeously erotic Julianne Hough, of Dancing With The Stars Fame.

Jennifer also noted that when People Magazine recently named her 'The Most Beautiful Woman In The World,' Marc actually called up the editor and cussed him out for doing that.

He told him that now Jennifer was going to be almost impossible to live with and that he was probably going to have a hell of a time getting her to make him his favorite TV snack Macho Nachos.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: One of Marc and J.Lo's maids who asked that I not mention her name told me that ever since the People Magazine award Miss Jennifer mentions the most beautiful woman in the world award to Marc at least seven times a day.]

Tilapia asked Lopez if the fact that her husband also happens to owe the IRS $3.4 million in back taxes had anything at all to do with her filing for divorce.

The Latin beauty replied, "Why hell yes!" And in a very angry Brooklynesque-sounding voice she remarked, "I might be da world's most beautiful woman but I definitely ain't da world's most richest woman."

Frisbee also pointed out the fact that J.Lo is actually taller than Marc also had a little to do with her decision.

So Jennifer and Marc will be divorcing and it looks as if they have come to an amicable agreement regarding the three-year-old twins. J.Lo will get to keep Emme the little girl, and Marc will get to keep Max the little boy.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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