Written by Rebel Not Taken
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Wednesday, 13 July 2011

image for Cheryl Cole rubs feminists up the wrong way
Existential philosopher.

Cheryl Cole's decision to get back together with 'love rat' Ashley has provoked anger among feminists and 'strong women'.

The defiant Geordie has ignored the strident advice of bitchy lesbians and decided to give the Chelsea Left Back 'one last chance'.

Simon Cowell, the pop group Girls Aloud and top celebrity feminist Germaine Greer have all expressed disbelief and horror at Cheryl's shock decision:

"Cheryl going back to that unreconstructed simpleton has put the Revolution back 50 years" bellowed an angry Germaine Greer.

But Cheryl is determined to 'be her own woman' and has told close friends she 'will come out of this a stronger person'.

"I have been reading a lot of Heidegger and Kierkergaard recently" said Cheryl "and I am eschewing Feminist tracts in favour of a loose Existential Hedonism" asserted the newly confident Ex X Factor judge.

Cherly admits that Ashley is "a simple plank" but, after spending a year in America, she has realised that his shagging of lapdancers and shooting students with his air rifle were profound Existential statements made by a rebellious and inarticulate idiot-savant.

Cheryl has told close friends that she has never been happier and feels 'in control' of her life for the first time.

She has even started to share fry ups and a fag with her Ex Mother-in-Law and has told Sue Cole that Ashley has the potential to become a Nietzschean Superman.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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