Written by queen mudder
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Monday, 11 July 2011

image for Harper Seven-Of-Nine?
The new striker in the Beckham family collective

Los Angeles - Her uncanny facial resemblance to Borg family collective sportsman Bjorn has had tongues wagging for decades.

And yesterday the Caeserian section birth of Victoria Beckham's daughter Harper Seven-of-Nine reignited conspiracy theories about alien/human hybrids 'who give daft names to their kids'.

The arrival of the 7lbs 10oz girl completes the Beckham family drone matrix whose older children's given designations are Brooklyn Two-of-Nine, Romeo Three-of-Nine and Cruz Four-of-Nine

"Of course we don't know yet if 'The Doctor' has removed the babe's cybernetic implants yet," LA FagHagSlagMag celebwatch editor Dave "Chakotay" Skank blogged at lunchtime today.

"It's only a hunch but according to records Seven will still need a cortical node to control the remaining implants."

Proud dad David Beckham, who is a forward in LA Galaxy's delta quadrant division, was present at the act of parturition's first contact.

Quoting from Hilary Lim's famous Caesareans and Cyborgs (HarpyCollins, 1999) Beckham told reporters that "the cyborg nature is a challenge to, er, simple conceptions... of connections/disconnections between bodies".

The infant's public debut is expected on Wednesday.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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