Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: BBC, mystery blonde

Saturday, 9 July 2011

image for Tonight's The Night - Mystery Blonde Glad She Didn't Come
She Didn't Walk Into My Bar - She'd Have Banged Her Nut! Hah!

British Saturday night television plumbed new depths this evening as that bloke off Doctor Who or something, John Barrowman, hosted a light entertainment TV bollocks extravagaza named 'Tonight's The Night'

Which was universally panned by the critics, even those on the News Of The World, as they cheered their last "Hurrah!"

Next up was Dale Winton, which only served to inspire straight members of the population to "fuck off out for a pint."

The defining moment though, didn't occur in BBC TV Centre in Shepherd's Bush, but in the White Horse, in Silverstone, where gobsmacked drinker, Monty Fartlebottom revealed to reporters:

"I was sat next to this mystery blonde at the bar. God, she was so stunning that all the local lads gave her a wide berth for fear of rejection. She was a bit aloof, sort of like what you'd expect Cleopatra to be if she popped in an English boozer looking like Liz Taylor. She just sipped her white wine with decorum. Until this band came on the BBC show, Tonight's The Night, singing 'I'm Glad You Came.' They were like, Polish or Russian or something. Fucking crap they were. Anyway, this blonde Goddess says, something along the lines of she's awfully glad she didn't come. Then the programme finished. The mystery blonde appeared to contemplate ordering another drink, but then the BBC announcer said that Dale Winton was on next. When this contestant said that he liked snowboarding, and a female contestant said the QEII was the ship sunk in the North Atlantic in 1912 with Leo Dicaprio and Gwyneth Paltrow on board, she just gave in. She drank up and said we could all stick this crap up our bums and buggered off."

To date no more has been seen of the mysterious mystery blonde.

More as we get it.

The band and the show were shit though.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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