Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Susan Boyle

Friday, 8 July 2011

image for Susan Boyle Tells Cindy Chang She Wants Her To Be Her Opening Act On Her Upcoming Trans Asian Concert Tour
Cindy Chang after receiving her extreme makeover courtesy of Susan Boyle.

BLACKBURN, Scotland - Susan Boyle sat in the garden of her home in Blackburn, West Lothian drinking a glass of tea and having a pomegranate crumpet as she spoke with a reporter for the national news agency.

Boyle became famous throughout the world after appearing on the English reality show, Britain's Got Talent where she placed second.

SuBo, as she is known, told Kelty Tillicoultry of Scotland's Ye Olde Lass News Agency that she saw Cindy Chang perform on a recent edition of America's Got Talent.

She smiled and remarked that she was really impressed with Chang's voice and the way her hairdo had that Susan Sarandon look to it. She noted that all three judges told her that she had a fantastic operatic voice and that she could be one of the year's favorites.

But then the following week during the Las Vegas auditions something happened. Apparently Cindy's nerves took over and her voice wavered oddly, vibrated uncontrollably, and actually cracked when she hit one of the high E sharp notes.

She panicked as the entire audience and judge sat in utter disbelief. Judge Howie Mandel scratched his completely bald head and asked "What da hell?"

Chang informed him that she was worried about making her utility bill payments.

Piers Morgan, the English judge, simply shook his head and pointed out that it appeared that Ms. Chang had mispronounced some of the lyrics to the Italian aria including the words ipso facto, habeas corpus, garlic, and modus operandi.

Morgan told her that he had heard the song "La Lasagna Canzone Banchetto Donna Fettuccine Al Fresco #19" sung many times before but never as bad as that.

Cindy was then informed by Sharon Osbourne that she would not be continuing on to Hollywood and that she would have to go back home and return to being the simple housewife that she was before she auditioned.

Boyle said that when she heard the red-headed skank make that remark it angered her beyond belief.

Susan immediately called her manager and was able to get in contact with Cindy. When she called her she could hardly hear her at first due to the loud sound coming from the vacuum cleaner.

But Chang soon turned it off and told Ms. Boyle that she could not believe that she had actually called her.

"Really?" Susan asked.

And Cindy replied that she has an unlisted number and no one knows it except for her parents and America's Got Talent Host Nick "The Pogo Stick" Cannon.

Susan told her that she knew that her nerves had gotten the best of her and that she herself once during a performance at The St.Blimey Hall in Liverpool all of a sudden forgot the words to the Rolling Stones song "Wild Horses."

She giggled as she said that instead of singing the line, wild horses couldn't drag me away she for some weird reason instead sang wild milk cows couldn't give milk today.

Both ladies started giggling and Cindy said that she had to run to the bathroom before she peed in her Daisy Dukes. Boyle confessed that she felt the same way except that she was not vacuuming, worried about paying the utility bills, or wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

Boyle told her that she believed in her and she wanted for her to be her opening act on her upcoming 63-City Trans Asian Concert Tour. Chang fainted. Luckily she came to just a few seconds later and told Ms. Boyle that she would be honored to be her opening act.

In other news. Antonio Banderas has just announced that he will soon start filming on 'Zorro VII - The Curse of The Disgruntled Senorita From The La Brea Tar Pits.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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