HOLLYWOOD - In a move that has sent shock waves from Tinsel Town to The Big Apple, Baby Lily the sweet little adopted Vietnamese daughter of the gay couple on the number one hit comedy show Modern Family has been fired.
Voodoo Dupree of The West Hollywood Flaming Gazette stated that she spoke with Eric Stonestreet who portrays Cameron Tucker one of Lily's parents, the effeminate one, and he said that when he found out he became so upset that he started talking in tongues.
He said that he has no idea what on Earth he was saying except that it scared the hell out of him because it reminded him of Sarah Palin.
When Miss Dupree asked him if he was going to be alright, Stonestreet responded by saying that he is still in a state of shock and is being treated with 900 milligrams of Rifomillofinostat daily which is a sedative that is given to racehorses after they have finished running extremely long races.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: I had never heard of rifomillofinostat and so I called up my good friend Larry King and asked him about it. Larry did not want to say too much about it because the little pink, lavender, and fuchsia colored pills are not really legal and can only be purchased in Tijuana, Mexico at Chico's Drugs 'R' Us Piñata Outlet.]
Jesse Tyler Ferguson who portrays little Lily's other gay parent Mitchell Pritchett, the more masculine one, said that he was also in a state of quasi-shock but added that he kind of saw it coming.
He confided to Dupree that Trang Lap Duck, the actress who portrays Baby Lily, is actually a 57-year-old seasoned actress from Pleiku, South Vietnam who has also used the stage name Cam Hong Chim.
Ferguson pointed out that Miss Duck was told at the very beginning of the season by the shows executives that Lily would soon be saying baby words like daddy, mommy, Gerber, baby rattle, wah, and poopy.
Miss Duck soon realized that she was having a very hard time reciting her lines and for some strange reason when she did manage to get her lines out they were spoken with a Brooklyn accent ala Barbra Streisand.
The producers were in total disbelief since Miss Duck has never been in Brooklyn and has spent all 57 years of her life appearing in Vietnamese soap operas, commercials, soft porn public service announcements, and game shows.
They insisted that Miss Duck read her lines using her normal Vietnamese accent and she told them that her agent and manager Berwick Walkenvorst had informed her that their was no clause in her contract that stipulated that little Lily had to speak with an American accent, a Vietnamese accent, or even a Mississippi accent.
The producers became enraged and they fired Miss Duck on the spot.
Voodoo Dupree says that Trang Lap Duck has hired the services of noted La Brea Asian rights attorney Mugford Winkowski-Chavez who will be appealing to the Asian Consulate in Sausalito, California; the NAACP Organization in Baltimore, Maryland; the NRA in Fairfax, Virgina; and the Sidesaddle Gay and Lesbian Fraternity in Phoenix, Arizona.
Berwick Walkenvorst says that Trang Lap Duck is a fairly good comedian who is available for bachelor parties, wedding receptions, quinceañeras, bar mitzvahs, and backyard barbecues. Interested parties can log on to www.letduckputsmileonface4u.yes