Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, today freely admitted that he's a bit of a twonk, but denied all knowledge of anything whatsoever to do with nude calendar shots of Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, or even soundalike wannabe, Rosie Whiteley, from Batley.
"None of this is anything to do with me," Shuttlecock told Skoob Entertainment News - which is a bit fucking rich, really, considering that Skoob, Shuttlecock, Reddon, Monkey Woods, Abel Rodriguez, Queen Mudder, Colonel Juan, Lady Godiva, Lynton, Pinxit, JaggedOne, Erskin Quint, Armfeetandtoe, Rocky Balboa, Travis Bickle, Duncan Whitehead, Bargis Tryhol, Jalapenoman, and many others are really all one and the same schizoid individual.
But Shuttlecock announced:
"Look, it's none of your business if I'm really Jean Le Fete or PM Wortham, or anybody else, even noted historian Ellis Ian Fields, but especially that bloody fish-stretcher Victor Nicholas. Do you know that he once resulted in me being dragged out of bed by the wife in the middle of the night because she thought he was some Eastern European tart sending me emails? And that's true that is. Just leave me alone and let me get on with me digging. I've got a ten room subterranean extension to be getting on with, and I don't know anything about any Rosie Huntington-Whiteley out of the Transformers film nude calendar. It's got fuck all to do with me. Ask Mark Lowton about it.
"Hang on...I am Mark Lowton...or am I? To be honest, I lose track. LOL."
More as Lady Gaga loses the plot.