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Monday, 4 July 2011

image for Uproar In America Over Beckham Baby Name
Yo Bro I'm Hangin' In The Hood Wit Ma Homies - David 'Goldenballs' Beckham Earlier Today

There's been absolute uproar in the American press today, as the Beckhams, David and Victoria revealed that they are to name their baby 'West Side Crip.'

Conservative Americans turned their vitriol on the English footballer for naming his daughter after a notorious American street gang founded initially by fearsome, now deceased gangsta Stanley 'Tookie' Williams, who once scared rapper Ice-T so much that the musician locked himself in a toilet cubicle for two months and refused to come out until he was sure that 'Tookie' had gone.

"This guy is a lemonhead Limey asshole," neo-con Alfred E. Neuman declared. "He's just glorifying gang violence. He just doesn't seem to understand that people are dying every day because of this crap. Being a global sports figure, he really should know better. If I had my way, I'd hang the bastard until he's a bit dead, then cut him down and electrocute him for a while, then give him a lethal injection and cut his head off with a hacksaw while he could still feel it."

Speaking up in defence of Beckham, his former boss at Manchester United, Sir Alex Ferguson told reporters:

"I'm sure the lad didnae mean to cause offence with his choice of name. He's no all that bright, sadly, and I'm sure he must have thought that he was doing the American thing by calling the child 'West Side Crip' - after the South Central gang of the same name. He's just trying tae fit in wi' the LA set, and he probably thought that the American people would take to him as some sort of adopted son. Now he knows there's uproar over the name, he'll probably change his mind. Having said that, I wouldn't count on it, I mean, he's no very good at dodging flying fitba boots."

A close friend of the Beckhams, Louisiana cop, Officer Buford T Justice, revealed that the Beckhams would probably react to the furore by not naming their daughter 'West Side Crip' and plumping for something a little less controversial, like 'Serenos.'

Although we've only got his word for it.

More as Lady Godiva gets it. Or as we make it up.

Whatever.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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