Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 4 July 2011

image for Charlie "Fruit Salad" Sheen Has Asked Maria Sharapova To Be His New "Goddess"
A glass of Charlie Sheen's unique patented drink known as "Tiger Blood."

SHERMAN OAKS - It is no secret by now that Charlie "Fruit Salad" Sheen is to common sense what Sarah Palin is to geography.

The two know deep down inside that they are in all actuality perfect examples of the term invented years ago by then Vice-President Al Gore, and which is still used today to describe individuals such as Sheen and Palin...Space Cadets.

Sheen will argue that the Milky Way was named after the chocolate candy bar and not the other way around.

Palin meanwhile will argue that the North Koreans are the good guys and that the bad guys are the South Koreans.

Both do agree that the North Pole is the Pole that is found at the top of the world, on a standard globe, and that the South Pole is the Pole found at the bottom of the standard globe.

Unless, as "Snowflake" Sarah recently pointed out in Kankakee, Illinois, the globe is sitting on the desk or table in an upside down position.

Charlie recently told Bijou Silhouette of Left Coast Mirror Magazine that he would like to sell his Mulholland Estates Mansion in Sherman Oaks and move somewhere quiet like Missoula, Montana; Winnemucca, Nevada; or Saturn.

Sheen confided to Miss Silhouette that he was really crushed when his first goddess Rachel "Bree" Oberlin left him in April. He said that he texted her for three days asking her to please return and that he even promised to pay for her dental braces, her breast enhancement surgery, her speech lessons, and her bikini taco vajazzling.

And now that goddess number two, Natalie Kenly has left him he feels like maybe he is not the good-looking, dashing, debonair, Tinsel Town stud that he has always been told he was.

Carlitos, as his paternal grandmother Papaya Sheen calls him, said that he called her the other day and told her that he wanted for her to cook him a batch of her old-fashioned flour tortillas.

Sheen then confessed to Papaya that he has asked tennis player Maria Sharapova, who stands 6 foot 2, to become his new goddess. He said that he has a strong feeling that she may agree.

Papaya reportedly started laughing and told her grandson that he would probably have a better chance of escorting Rush Limbaugh's wife to a GOP fundraiser.

SIDENOTE: After paying off the expenses Charlie Sheen's Traveling Dysfunctional Carnival Sideshow and Ego Booster Tour which was officially known as My Violent Winning Torpedo of Truth Vs. The Losing Trolls of Lies Tour ended up netting a total of $917.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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