Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Friday, 1 July 2011

image for Paul Simon Sued Over 50 Ways Dumping Failure
No, no, no... it's Simon for pity's sake!

Rock legend Paul Simon is being sued over the content of one of his international hits.

At the heart of the case is the suggestion in his 1976 song that there are 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover.

Graeme Literal-Gitt, of Horbury, West Yorkshire, told us: "I was faintly aware of Mr Simon's work but I wasn't what you would call a fan. Then when I saw him at Glastonbury on the telly I thought I'd investigate his music more thoroughly, so I bought a few of his records."

Among his purchases was the 1976 album Still Crazy After All These Years which contains the hit single.

"Well, it seemed OK at first but when I gave 50 Ways a second listen I counted the suggest methods of dumping a lover and they amount to five! And that's being kind - dropping off the key, Lee is not, strictly speaking a kiss-off, nor is making a new plan, Stan, is it, really?

"I understand the whole poetic licence thing but only coming up with ten per cent of what you promise is not good enough. I might have accepted, say, 50 per cent, but come on...

"You can be assured I'm investigating a lot of lyrics now. This kind of thing is insupportable."

Mr Literal-Gitt intends to have papers served on Mr Simon, suing for the £4.49 the album cost him at Amazon. The case could be heard at Wakefield County Court as early as 2017.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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