Written by Don Fulsom
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Topics: Lindsay Lohan

Thursday, 30 June 2011

A California judge has removed the tracking device on troubled former Hollywood starlet Lindsay Lohan's left ankle, and she is free to roam anywhere she wants-with one exception. The judge ruled that the freshly unshackled Lohan must keep a distance of 300 yards between herself and "all establishments that carry jewelry-even pawn shops."

One of many accusations against Lohan is that she stole a $2,500 necklace from a jewelry store. The judge said he would add the former starlet's former ankle bracelet to his private collection of new and used gadgets used by hard-core foot fetishists. "I'm not ashamed of my hobby," the judge declared. "Besides, Lindsay's anklet might bring in as much as $5,000 with a properly worded ad in 'Dream Feet Photo Digest for Perverts.'"

Lohan still has 480 hours of community service left to do as part of a probation deal in the jewelry theft case. "I'd like to work with other alleged jewelry thieves and try to get them to stop that horrible kind of behavior. But if I can't persuade them to go straight, perhaps we could start a jewelry heist ring."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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