Written by Skoob1999
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Wednesday, 29 June 2011

image for Top Telly Chefs Gordon Ramsay And Marco Pierre White Admit There's Not Much They Can Do With Frog Spawn
Oy! Where You Goin' Wiv Me Spawn!

Shares in satellite TV channel, Mug TV, hit an all time high yesterday as executive producer, Eli Milkshake unveiled what is likely to be the channel's all time biggest hit, a celebrity chef challenge show called 'You Can't Cook This!'

In the show, presenter, Wesley Giblet Junior (Not his real name.) challenges renowned chefs to make a delicious dish from quite nauseating ingredients. In this case, the challenge went out to potty mouth Ramsay, and bandana boy White to knock up something tasty with frog spawn.

Previously, Heston Blumenthal had managed to knock up a delicacy made from cryogenically frozen cow's eyelids, and Ainsley Harriot had managed to barbecue camel lips marinated in chilli, and studded with cloves, but the frog spawn proved a bridge too far for Ramsay and White.

Ramsay's initial attempt, a frog spawn souffle with a hint of Dijon mustard, collapsed disastrously in the oven, and Marco Pierre White's frog spawn omelette with spinach and ricotta cheese turned out to be a soggy, sloppy mess.

Both chefs complained vociferously on camera that frog spawn was just too moist to make anything remotely edible out of, but Wesley Giblet Junior (Not his real name.) insisted that they keep trying, as that was the objective of the show.

Marco Pierre White's final offering was a goat cheese and frog spawn ice cream with Chinese fish sauce, served on a bed of lightly toasted Hovis and liberally sprinkled with finely chopped fennel, which the guest tasters invariably found "disgusting."

Ramsay's presentation was a frog spawn Kiev, a chicken breast stuffed with frog spawn and garlic, coated in egg and breadcrumbs and then deep fried in beef dripping. The tasters didn't much care for that either, complaining that it exploded when they stuck their forks in it, showering them in hot frog spawn.

"By heck," Ramsay, notorious for swearing, cursed. "That was a flipping tough challenge. I thought I could cook just about anything and make it delicious, but this flaming frog spawn had me proper flummoxed, I can tell you. I thought I'd flipping cracked it with the frog spawn Kiev idea, but by the cringe, twas not to be. I had to hold my hands up and admit that I was proper flipping beat on this blighter. Fair play to Wesley Giblet Junior though - the little tinker had me proper snookered. So he did. Did I just say that? Blinking heck! I'm starting to sound like Jim McDonald off Coronation Street, so I am. It's all this flipping frog spawn mate. It's enough to make a parson swear."

Marco Pierre White stormed out of the studio refusing to comment, but a source informed this reporter that he was seriously miffed, and that he'd probably have his bandana permanently fixed to his head with a nail gun, and then probably go out and vent his spleen by shooting a couple of deer.

Mug TV's 'You Can't Cook This!' is expected to achieve global syndication, and earn millions for the producers.

"We're looking at a cook off now between Oprah Winfrey, Bill O'Reilly and Kirstie Alley," Wesley Giblet Junior proudly announced. "Maybe with rat lungs or elephant ears. Something like that anyway."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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