Written by Skoob1999
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Tuesday, 28 June 2011

image for Rock Veterans Procol Harum Insist That Beyonce's Hair Isn't Natural
Then The Miller Told His Tale - The Grassing Bastard

Nobody really seems to have a clue what this is all about, but, an as yet undisclosed website has been gobbing off with words to the effect that Beyonce - who put thousands of music fans to sleep as she closed Glastonbury last weekend, doesn't appear on stage with her natural hair.

"It's just a big ginger wig," one fan complained.

Another, wiping the mud off her wellies as she clambered aboard a Toyota Landcruiser, lamented that pop festivals aren't what they used to be:

"I was at the Isle of Wight, ignoring Hendrix and The Who, because I'm so far up my own pretentious arse you'd never believe it," Penelope Pumpernickel explained. "Forty years after that, ignoring Beyonce doesn't quite convey the same kudos. She's basically just boring and as dull as ditchwater, and wearing a big ginger wig doesn't help. Hendrix never wore a big ginger wig, and neither did Keith Moon. I really don't know what all that wearing a ginger wig thing is all about. Yah."

Speaking on behalf of Procol Harum (which means nothing whatsoever in Greek, so it's a waste of time Googling it) Gary Brooker exclaimed:

"We haven't commented at all. We've not said a word about Beyonce's hair, or anything else for that matter. We've been far too busy playing our perennial hit record, 'Whiter Shade Of Pale' to all the cultural philistines in dumps like Manchester and Newcastle upon Tyne, and we've been pretty well received so far. Trip the light fandango, turn cartwheels cross the floor. I was feelin kind of seasick, the Spoof cried out for more. But we didn't comment on Beyonce's hair. I mean - what the fuck is that all about?"

At which point the miller told his tale.

Annie Lennox was unavailable for comment.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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