Written by Jalapenoman
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Marriage, Tom Cruise

Thursday, 24 November 2005

image for Cruise Buys Wife Sonogram Machine
A grateful Katie thanks Tom for his recent presents.

Actor Tom Cruise purchased his pregnant wife a sonogram machine as an early Christmas present. Katie Holmes, age twenty-six, is pregnant with her first child (Cruise has two children from an earlier marriage to Nicole Kidman). When asked why he would go to such an extravegant expense, Cruise replied that "Nothing is too good for my little girl...or the baby."

As he does not believe in doctors or modern medicine, Tom will have to have a salesman from the manufacturing company show him how to use the machine. Lessons are scheduled to take place with Katie as the subject.

When asked what he plans to do with the machine after the baby is born, Cruise said that he will use it on their other children and "take it to parks and stuff to look for coins and jewelry that is just under the ground. It will be a lot more effective than one of those stupid beeping metal detectors. I'll actually be able to see the stuff. I also figure that if Richard Gere ever needs to borrow it to make sure he gets his gerbils out, he can."

This is not the first strange gift that he has purchased for his bride. Last month, he brought home an easy bake oven ("I wanted to help her with her cooking skills."). He also bought the couch that he jumped around on during a famous television interview ("I had fun bouncing on that one, so I figured we could have a bounce on it together."). While it was still unclear whether or not she was pregnant, he purchased a breast pump ("I had this idea that maybe it could help make them a little bit bigger,....but it didn't.").

For her birthday, he had a music box specially made that plays "Thank Heaven for Little Girls" when opened.

Cruise has also purchased Barbie dolls ("Katie enjoys playing dress up with them and the neighborhood girls."), 10% of the stock in the Vlasic company ("I wanted her to know that whenever she got a strange pickles and ice cream craving, that she was also putting money back into our pockets"), and bras in increasingly larger cup sizes ("I'm looking forward to seeing things grow with this pregnancy.").

His strangest purchase, however, must be the Batmobile from Batman Begins, a recent picture starring his bride. "I thought that since she's pregnant and can't make the sequel, she might enjoy screaming around the streets of Hollywood in the car. I also enjoy doing the na-na na-na na-na na-na Batman! as we race through the darkened streets."

Tom concluded the interview by saying that "I just love buying stuff for her. Nothing is too good for the mother of my children, unless that mother is Nicole."

Make Jalapenoman's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 5 multiplied by 4?

4 12 20 21

Go to top