NEW YORK (AP) As soon as the courts allow convicted sexual offender Debra Lafave to work again, the former school teacher will take a job with former President Bill Clinton. Spoof reporter Craven Morehead was told by President Clinton: "Miss Lafave needs a break after all she has been through. She told me she can type at least 15 words a minute… and that's all that's needed for a nice position on my small secretarial pool. I haven't actually met Debra yet, but I've seen some pictures and have heard much about her varied talents."
In Florida, Debra Lafave was thrilled to hear about the job offer from former President Clinton. "He's a real cute guy… perhaps a bit older than I'm used to, but he has really great boyish charms. It will be quite an honor for me to work for such a well-known man. Most of the fellas I've recently been involved with didn't have much worldly experience. It will be novel for me to be dealing with someone who has not only graduated from public school, but also has a lot of higher education. When I spoke with him on the phone he asked me to make sure I brought along some of those outfits I wore in those pictures with motorcycles. He also said that he wanted me to ask around Tampa and see if I could get some good Cuban cigars to bring him up in New York. I guess I'll find out all about those cigars soon enough."
Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton became furious when reporters asked about her husband's new secretary. "I've been through all of this many times with Bill. As soon as I get too busy with my own career, he starts fooling around with the bimbos. But this Debra Lafave is a bit much. He's never messed around before with convicted felons. I just fail to understand what girls like Debra and that Monica have to offer that I don't. I've asked Bill many times if there was something I could be doing in our relationship to make things better, but he just walks away mumbling to himself. Things used to be much better between us when we were younger."