Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Movies, Glenn Beck

Sunday, 19 June 2011

image for The Reason Why Nathan Lane Will Not Be Portraying Glenn Beck In A Movie Based On His Life
A photo of Glenn Beck's pet cat, "Nazi Kitty." (Photo courtesy of Congressman Barney Frank).

LOS ANGELES - Nathan Lane is reportedly devastated at the news that he has been rejected as the lead in The True Unsugarcoated Story of Glenn Beck.

The self-avowed gay actor who has appeared in such film classics as The Birdcage Newspapers, Gays and Dolls, and Uncle Nutcracker told Voodoo Dupree of The West Hollywood Flaming Gazette that the producers of the movie Teddy Toledofiggy and Letty Winnebago had informed him that they felt that he was just not feminine enough to portray Glenn Beck.

Lane exploded. He told him that he is certainly more feminine than Beck and he proved it by showing them that underneath his slacks he was wearing a pair of Victoria's Secret pink bikini thongs.

He also pointed out that on weekends he always wears a bra and that he has been known to go out to fancy dinners with friends while dressed as Cher, Madonna, and even Betty White on two occasions.

The producers did not agree and stated that for one thing he certainly does not cry anywhere near as much as Beck does. Nathan had to agree with them on that.

He then told them that crying was not necessarily a female trait though. Teddy grinned, took a puff from his Virginia Slim Cigarette and replied that in Hollywood it most certainly is a female trait.

Letty pointed out that prior to the story about his maid and love child coming out Arnold Schwarzenegger had never been photographed crying.

Teddy smiled, as he took a sip from his Papaya Mint Margarita and added that even macho man Burt Reynolds never cried until recently when he got a real good look at his face in a hand held mirror that magnifies up to 300 percent.

Nathan pooched out his lips. He adjusted his Anna Kournikova Designer Tennis Shorts, and simply replied that it looks like maybe he'll start playing parts of detectives, private investigators, and sports figures.

In other news. In a move to get people to recognize him more, GOP primary candidate Tim Pawlenty will be wearing bright red T-shirts that say, "Hi, I'm Tim Pawlenty - Kinda Like Brad Pitt But With Dark Hair"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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