Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 20 June 2011

image for Jesse "Mr. Tattoos" James and Kat "Miss Tattoos" Von D Plan On Getting Hitched This Summer
Kat Von D getting a tattoo of Amy Winehouse on her left shoulder. (Photo courtesy of Ke$ha).

LONG BEACH - Contrary to what the supermarket tabloids are saying Jesse James, the former Mr. Sandra Bullock, and Kat Von D the former Mrs. Buffy Pizzavelli are planning on exchanging vows and tattoos sometime this summer.

Jesse, who was dubbed "The Wandering Weiner" by his then wife Sandra Bullock, says that he thinks that Sandy was the one who started the rumors that he was dumping the tattoo-covered Kat Von D.

James revealed to Redwood Fingerboo of The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle that Katkins, as he calls Kat for long, has shown him vavavooming positions that he hadn't even seen on cable pornographic channels.

He said that if he did not know any better he would swear that at times during their intimate sessions there were actually two or even three Kat's doing the do.

Fingerboo asked James why it is that whenever he is interviewed that he feels that he has to make it a point to point out that Kat is much better in bed than Sandra was.

Jesse got a blank look on is face and asked Fingerboo why it was that he felt that he had to point out that particular point which he feels is actually pointless.

Fingerboo then told him that he had spoken with Ms. Bullock last week and that she said that she has never been happier in her life. She said that going to bed with "Messy" Jesse was like going to bed with a damn friggin motorcycle.

"Really?" James asked.

She also noted that some of Jesse's 200 or so tattoos actually made her physically sick like the one of a nude Ann Coulter on a Super Glide Custom Harley-Davidson with a naked Rush Limbaugh sitting on the handlebars.

And the one tattoo on his crotch region showing a jock strap wearing Sarah Palin dragging a reindeer she has just ambushed through the snow with a rabbit in its mouth was utterly disgusting.

James giggled, kind of like nine-year-old Piper Palin does, and replied that he is proud of all of his tattoos and that his future bride-to-be is to as evidenced by the fact that she kisses each one twice right before they go to sleep each night.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: It appears that "Messy" Jesse James and Kat Von D(isgusting) were definitely made for each other. Jesse stated that the couple plans to marry in the parking lot of his motorcycle shop, West Coast Choppers in Long Beach with both dressed in full Nazi regalia.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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