Written by Jalapenoman
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Topics: Names, Dancing

Saturday, 19 November 2005

In their annual issue, People Magazine has named the sexiest man alive in 2005. This year, the magazine chose the dancing man from the Six Flags Amusement Parks television commercials. Lance Waterford, member of the magazines editorial board, issued this statement: "We feel that as our readers represent a wide variety of women, we must recognize a wider group of men. We feel that the man we have chosen could light the fires and warm the sheets with many of our older readers due to the exuberance and energy he shows in his dancing. He also shows great vitality and energy by riding these rides and roller coasters obviously designed for a much younger crowd. Women of all ages would be very pleased to have a relationship with someone like him when they hit their 70's or 80's."

"We don't know if he takes Viagra or Cialis or one of the other male potency drugs, but whatever it is, we want some when we get that age! If he doesn't take any of them and still has those moves and that smile, we need him to share his diet or lifestyle secrets."

A few years back, we nabbed Sean Connery for the spot and had very few complaints. We went a little older this time. Who knows, next year we may go young and pick someone like the young man who plays Harry Potter in the movies or that kid on Two-and-a-Half Men! We could even be really radical and pick Britney Spears' new baby boy."

Actors like Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise are regular recipients of this award. Choosing an old man known only for dancing in television commercials was an obvious change for the magazine. When this reporter asked Waterford if there were any other reasons that came into play, he said that, "we were going to pick someone else, but then GQ named a woman as their man of the year, and we new we had to do something different also or they would get all of the headlines and media attention."

The SIx Flags guy, name still unknown, was not available for comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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