Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 18 June 2011

image for Kirstie Alley Has Just Become America's Most Popular "Cougar"
Kirstie says that since she has been dating younger guys she has gone from eating 6 Big Macs a day to only eating 4.

WEST HOLLYWOOD - Kirstie Alley has shyly admitted that she has literally gone from not having dated in over a decade to dating up a storm.

The 60-year-old who recently took second place on the dance reality show Dancing With The Stars has been as busy as a beaver (no pun intended) in the dating department.

Alley denied reports that she and her pro dance partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy, aka "The Bad Boy of The Ballroom" had been involved romantically but close, inside, unnamed, reliable sources (Mark Ballas and Karina Smirnoff) say otherwise.

Maksim, the dancing Ukrainian told Missy Wonderbox of Hollywood Innuendo that he and Kirstie went out on two dates. He smiled and said that the first time he took her to Knotts Berry Farm and afterwards he got to third base.

He grinned and said that on their second date the couple went out to the world famous La Brea Tar Pits where they spent a nice evening before heading to Kirstie's home where Maksim proudly said he hit a home run.

A few days after that date Alley started going out with 21-year-old hip hop artist Shancie Boyd. Kirstie told Miss Wonderbox that she really liked Shancie except for the fact that he was constantly blowing bubbles with his bubblegum and then popping them while the two were out in public.

Alley said that one evening when she and Shancie were having a nice dinner at The Gunfight at The OK Corral Steakhouse in Tarzana that one of the patrons at the next table turned to her and asked her if she could please ask her adopted son to stop popping his bubblegum as it was bothering his 104-year-old grandmother to the point where she wanted to scream out some curse words in her native Norwegian.

Kirstie eventually ended up dumping Shancie because he told her that he had never heard of the Beatles, the television show Cheers, Michigan, or Hula Hoops.

Hollywood Innuendo is now reporting that Kirstie Alley is dating Ted "Fancy Feet" Volynets, a 21-year-old professional ballroom dancer who is telling his friends that Kirstie hung the moon, the sun, Jupiter, Saturn, Mercury, and Kia.

Kirstie confided to her good friend and fellow cougar Demi Moore that she hasn't been this happy in over ten years. She then licked her lips and said that she had no idea that her loins could still move the way they do.

The national publication U.S. Cougars Illustrated has just named Kirstie Alley as 'The Most Popular Cougar In America.'

Hollywood Innuendo will stay with the story and update you on any further 'Cougar' comings and goings.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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