Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 18 June 2011

image for Selena Gomez Says Justin Bieber Is Extremely Upset That The Vancouver Canucks Were Defeated By The Boston Bruins
A pair of ice hockey skates that were given to Justin Bieber by Vancouver Canucks goalie Roberto Luongo.

HOLLYWOOD - Selena Gomez spent the day shopping on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills. She had recently gotten out of the hospital where she had been rushed due to malnutrition, undernourishment, and a very pronounced case of split ends.

The teen singing sensation told Fuchsia Garfunkel of The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle that she was feeling 100 percent better.

Garfunkel asked her if the rumors of her being pregnant had upset her. Selena said that at first they did, but then she just realized that it came with the territory.

She said that the mother of Miley Cyrus had told her that when Miley was only nine one of the supermarket tabloids had her eloping with an NBA basketball player.

Tish Cyrus then told her that when Miley turned ten, another supermarket tabloid had her giving birth to octuplets.

Selena said that hearing Tish convey those false rumors to her really made her feel a whole lot better.

Fuchsia asked Gomez how Justin had taken the story of the pitter patter of little feet. Selena giggled and said that he told her that for a moment he felt like Brad Pitt.

When Selena was asked where Justin was she said that he was home visiting his mom and that he was really in a very bad mood and that he had not combed his hair in 24 hours.

Fuchsia asked her why he was in such a bad mood. Gomez said that Justy was extremely upset at the fact that his favorite Canadian hockey team, the Vancouver Canucks had gotten defeated by the Boston Bruins who had won the coveted Stanley Cup and who were now the new National Hockey League champions.

Bieber texted Selena and told her that he was so mad that he had vowed not to perform for two days. Gomez informed Fuchsia that, that meant that he would have to cancel two concerts one at The Cheddar Cheese Arena in Green Bay, Wisconsin and one at The Carburetor Coliseum in Detroit, Michigan.

Fuchsia Garfunkel is related to Paul Simon of the old 60s singing duo Simon and Garfunkel.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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