A leading psychologist at the University Of Contemporary Life Studies in Oldham, Professor Bernard "Yozzer" Hill, has announced that reading saturated celebrity tittle tattle on a daily basis can convert reasonably intelligent people into slavering morons.
Exposure to a constant barrage of utter drivel, such as the dimensions of J-Lo's arse, Katie Price's breasts, everyday dramas such as Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan's rehab episodes, and the party nightmares of such as Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty, apparently really do rot the brain and turn it to mulch.
Research reveals that people who devour celebrity drivel, if only in order to look down their noses and sneer at the pathetic caricatures who constitute modern day celebrity, eventually become profoundly affected by it.
For women, the focal point is to look 'hot,' like Pussycat Doll, Nicole Scherzinger, or Cheryl Cole, or maybe even Lady Gaga trapped in a burning building - but with no focus on intelligence or spiritual enrichment, many women get sucked into a vortex of Jimmy Choo shoes, Victoria Beckham dresses, plastic surgery, fast cars, shagging Z-List sports stars and alley cat morality.
The men don't fare much better in the study, as the basis of male celebrity these days tends to involve consorting with a string of models, crashing expensive cars, getting involved in night club brawls and getting absolutely hammered on drink and drugs.
"Continual exposure to this sort of bollocks inevitably has a knock-on effect," Professor Hill told a focus group. "Basically, the message is that thin is good, infidelity is fine, cosmetic surgery is essential, substance abuse is heroic, and looking vaguely idiotic is the ultimate goal. When intelligent people get sucked into believing this bullshit is when their brains start to degenerate into frog spawn. It's like being hit in the head continuously with a hammer - eventually something will give way. My advice to all reasonable thinking people would be to avoid this kind of thing at all costs and do a crossword puzzle, or play chess or something. Reading about Simon Cowell's teeth, or Kim Kardashian getting vajazzled won't do you any good at all in the long run."
More as we get it.