Written by Katarina Frogpond2
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Wednesday, 15 June 2011

image for Full Details of Joss Stone Robbery Bid Revealed
Luckily, no CDs were stolen during the robbery

The full details of a robbery attempt at Joss stone's Devon home have been revealed by the Chief Inspector of the Cornish Constabulary.

He said the robbery is believed to have revolved around some particularly nice scones. Joss baked the scones on Friday night and left them on the back door step to cool, while she went to the shops to buy some Devon cream. But when she got back home to retrieve her newly baked scones, she found that they had been stolen.

A county wide hunt was organised, and every policeman in Devon rushed to Joss's house to see if they could find out who the scone thief was.

They all sat round Joss's kitchen table as Joss sang them a song about who she thought might be the scone thief. But the Police couldn't believe their ears, because Joss said that she suspected her scones had been stolen by James Brown.

"James Brown, Kate Moss's hair dresser? I knew it" Lied the Chief Inspector. "He was the first person on my list of suspect"

"No, man" Sang Joss "That's a complete insult to ma scones, man. If he stole my scones I wouldn't have told anyone. That would be a complete embarrassment."

"Then you mean, James Brown the deceased lengendery Soul man." Said another Policeman.

"Yeah Man." Smiled Joss. "He said he loved ma scones and cornish clotted cream so much, he'd come back from the dead for them."

"Well that's that, then." Said the Chief Inspector of the Cornish Constabulary "Case closed. But if you knew all along who stole the scones, then why did you phone us to come and investigate."

"I didn't just call you.. I called the fireman, the postman, the barman at my local pub. I'm telling everyone, man, its a miracle from heaven."

The policemen agreed that it was an occasion for a celebration and they all retired to Joss's favourite pub, where they played James Brown music all night and danced till dawn.

By Katarina Frogpond.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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