NEW YORK CITY - Scarlett Johansson was in the Big Apple visiting her old high school volleyball coach Brothina "Balls" Lemoncello.
Scarlett, 26, said that she learned a lot from Mrs. Lemoncello like what to tell guys when she wanted for them to leave her alone. She also noted that the high school's principal Mr. Yitzhak Metchnikoff had given the coach the nickname of "Balls" because of her amazingly uncanny ability to juggle seven volleyballs while at the same time balancing herself on a unicycle.
As she was leaving the school Scarlett was asked by Tilapia Frisbee of The Right Coast Illustrated Revue about her on-again, off-again relationship with Sean Penn.
The star of such movies as The Nanny Diaries, The Butler Diaries, and The Upstairs Maid Diaries replied that the first time she dumped Penn, who is 50, was when she realized that he was actually old enough to be her father.
She said that a few days later he invited her out to dinner at her favorite Los Angeles restaurant Le Loins of Joan of Arc. She said that after they finished their salad and before the main meal arrived Sean got down on one knee, took out a personal check, handed it to her, and asked her to please take him back.
Frisbee asked how much the check was for. Johansson said that Penn had made the check out to her in the amount of $20,000.
When asked if she took him back, she replied, "Honey child does Sarah Palin suck big time at geography?"
Frisbee congratulated her. But then ScarJo got a sullen look on her face and said that everything was great for about a week and then she learned from her close friend Kara "The Musical Cougar" DioGuardi that she had personally seen Sean Penn and an unidentified Lakers Girl tongue paloozing below the Santa Monica Pier.
So needless to say Scarjo dumped SeaPen quicker than he could say 'not again.'
June 18-24 is National Carpenter Ant Awareness Week except in Wisconsin where it was recently outlawed by Governor Scott "Anti-Union" Walker.