Written by Gail Farrelly
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Sunday, 12 June 2011

image for Green Lantern Holds Press Conference, Discusses His New Movie
Green Lantern's vehicle of choice.

Born in 1940, he's on Medicare and is collecting Social Security benefits. But he's still fighting the bad guys.

Green Lantern, in a public appearance related to his new movie (in which he'll be played by Ryan Reynolds), addressed the media in New York's Times Square yesterday, touting himself as the true 21st century superhero of all superheroes. He admitted to the crowd that Superman and Spider-Man are both good guys, but he also declared that they are SO yesterday. Plus, while Superman and Spider-Man limit their exploits to planet earth, that's not the case with Green Lantern, who is on the intergalactic beat, watching out for the whole universe.

Relaxed and occasionally sipping from a tall glass of iced tea (green tea, need you ask?), he called Superman "kind of a showoff." And as for Spider-Man? Well, according to Green lantern, Spider-Man's flying, musical, and organizational skills are "severely lacking," as witnessed by the amount of time he's taken to pull his Broadway show together.

Green Lantern told the crowd that former Vice-president Al Gore had seen a preview of his movie and pronounced it fantastic. One woman in the crowd was unimpressed with that endorsement, whispering to her friend that Al Gore gives the green light to "just about anything green."

Before he ended the press conference, Green Lantern recited for the crowd one of his oaths:

In brightest day, in blackest night,
No evil shall escape my sight
Let those who worship evil's might,
Beware my power... Green Lantern's light!

Apparently he wasn't overly impressed with his own power and light, since he left the press conference surrounded by six burly security guards. He gave the victory sign to the cheering crowd and exclaimed, "It's easy being green!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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