Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 12 June 2011

image for Tracy Morgan Explains Why He Has Decided To Move To The North Pole
Tracy at the age of 2 and his nanny Lily Wiffy, who is shown trying to get Tracy to stop playing with his pee-pee.

BEAVER PELTS, Wyoming - Tracy Morgan high-tailed it out of Hollywood and headed for one of the most secluded places in America, Beaver Pelts, Wyoming.

One of the stars of the TV show 30 Rock made some extremely derogatory anti-gay remarks that are so horrible they cannot be printed in this publication.

[EDITOR'S NOTE:
Yep. That Morgan fella sure went and shot himself in both feet, both ankles, and both knee caps.]

After receiving thousands of angry emails, text messages, phone calls, and even a singing telegram, which was personally sung by Adam Lambert, Clay Aiken, and Lance Bass, NBC issued an apology and insisted that Morgan issue one as well.

NBC simply stated that Tracy Morgan said some real stupid stuff that he thought was funny and to someone who is drunk as a skunk on cheap wine, drugged up on crack, and who is so out-of-it that they can't even remember their name it could maybe, possibly be, but to the rest of the 99.99 percent of the people it wasn't so we're sorry.

Morgan's apology was characterized as your basic non apology apology which went like this, "Hey y'all, now lissen up to dis here rich as hell black brudda. Iffen what I sez done went and got some of y'all all hot and bothered den I guess I reckon dat I be sayin dat I be sorry fa sayin' it iffen y'all be taken it wrong and shit ya hear?"

But the backlash continues as NBC has been bombarded with people insisting that Morgan be fired. Someone from San Francisco, a Brucey "Bippy" Tintickety, even said that Tracy Morgan should be fired and replaced by a gay black actor, or a white lesbian actor, or a bi-sexual Lebanese actor with a Milwaukee accent.

Morgan, 42, is reportedly so upset at everyone not being able to take his joke that he has decided to get the hell out of Dodge (America) and move to the North Pole where he read on the Internet that there are no gays or lesbians.

Some of Tracy's fellow comedians are now dishing it out to him just like he dished it out. Rosie O'Donnell said that Tracy Morgan looks like a damn bowling ball with hair.

Black comedian Wanda Sykes, who like Rosie is also a lesbianite, quipped that Tracy really needs to take his friggin Halloween mask off because Halloween has done come and gone a long time ago.

And even Dancing With The Stars gaytalian judge Bruno Tonioli texted from Italy that Morgan looks just like Ann Coulter except he's fatter, uglier, and he doesn't have as much facial hair.

The West Coast Hollywood Flaming Gazette's Coquette Eucalyptus, who is an avowed lesbianite will stay on top of the story up until the time Tracy "The Chump" Morgan boards the plane bound for the North Pole.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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