Written by Skoob1999
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Friday, 10 June 2011

image for Lewis Hamilton Says He's Had It With Nicole Scherzinger And Wants A Date With Cheryl Cole
Lewis (Out Of Shot) Nipping Off For A Number Two In Monaco

F1 star Lewis Hamilton has told members of his pit team that he is sick and tired of dating Nicole Scherzinger out of the Pussycat Dolls, and that he wants to date Cheryl Cole, out of Girls Aloud.

For a change.

Hamilton is said to be sick to death of Scherzinger constantly telling him what to do, and treating his Monaco penthouse like she owns the place. It seems that he is also fed up with Nicole's constant talking, and confided to a friend that he wished she was battery operated, so that he could take the bloody batteries out and have a bit of peace and quiet.

The final straw came when Nicole signed up for the X-Factor in the USA. It appears that Lewis hates the X-Factor, along with a whole bunch of other reality TV shows, because everybody involved in such garbage are just a bunch of losers.

He certainly wouldn't want his girlfriend coming home from work every night yacking on for hours on end about how bloody wonderful Simon Cowell is.

Which is where Cheryl Cole comes into the picture.

Hamilton is said to find Cheryl Cole reasonably attractive, and financially independent, although he can never understand a word she says on account of her thick Geordie accent, at least she wouldn't be coming home every night chunnering on about how wonderful Simon bastard Cowell is.

Because she hates his guts. Allegedly.

Lewis told his pit team in confidence that he quite fancied going 'for a spin' with Cheryl, and that he estimates he could get her rev counter running at maximum for a good long time...

Providing she doesn't start yacking on about Louis bastard Walsh, and what a sweet, wonderful little Irish fellow he is, because Lewis can't stand Louis either. In fact, he hates him almost as much as he hates Simon Cowell.

So, it's all good so far.

Providing Cheryl Cole sticks to the rules.

If not, Lewis has indicated an interest in talking socialite, Tara Palmer-Tomkinson out, now that she's had her nose fixed.

Providing she doesn't say a word about Charlie (Whoever he is) Ant and Dec, or I'm A Celebrity - Get Me Out Of Here!

If all else fails, it seems Lewis has been casting a watchful eye over Eileen Grimshaw out of Coronation Street.

More F1 flights of fancy as we get them.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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