The Wombles from Wimbledon are topping Glastonbury this year because most decent bands avoid the festival like avoiding the pest.
Mike Batt (slightly Batty) the founder of the famous kiddies show and writer of many of their ancient, very pathetic hits, feels it's a great honour to represent Wimbledon at Glastonbury because he knows no Brit will ever win it (the tennis that is).
The Wombles have promised to drive the expectant crowds insane with their greatest hits and have been practicing non-stop preparing for the greatest gig in their lives after leaving their underground holes on Wimbledon Common.
The Glastonbury organiser would have preferred Metallica, Slipknot, System of a Down, etc, anybody but the Wombles, but has accepted the fact that there are enough "Loonies" running around Glastonbury as high as kites so they won't even notice the difference between real music and bullshit!
Another headliner, Beyonce, (it goes from bad to worse) hopes to do a duet with the Wombles singing their most popular hit; Remember you're a Womble, the song has been renamed especially for the occasion it's now called: "Remember you're a Dumbell" and they have donated the song to the idiots who paid their astronomical entrance fees to witness such a load of old crap!