Written by Skoob1999
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Wednesday, 8 June 2011

image for Bum Wars Break Out As Carol Vorderman Pips Pippa Middleton In Rear Of The Year Awards
Denise Van Outen's Bottom, Pictured In 1999 When She Won The Coveted Award

Bottom fanciers across the length and breadth of Britain were up in arms, and waging internet fora flame wars, as rival factions posted comments relating to the award of the 'Rear Of The Year' title to former Countdown mathematrice, Carol Vorderman, over much fancied Pippa Middleton.

50 year old Vorderman pipped 27 year old Pippa to the coveted title, with a bottom resembling 'two jellyfish fighting in a plastic bag,' whilst members of the Pippa's Bottom Appreciation Society described the result as "a travesty."

'Rear Of The Year' organising committee member, Oliver Rumpole explained the decision by saying that voting had been taking place over the course of a full year, and that Pippa's bottom only came to international attention a few weeks ago, at the Royal Wedding.

But the statement cut little ice with diehard fans of Pippa's streamlined, yet undeniably perky bottom. Some of Pippa's fans complained that proportional representation should be taken into account over the voting period.

"Pippa is obviously top of the bottoms," Harry Windsor, a fan from London explained. "Nothing against Carol, but she's had a full year of picking up votes, whereas Pippa only had about five weeks. It may be true that Pippa's bottom became an overnight sensation, but one could argue that Carol has enjoyed a disproportionate advantage, because her bottom has received plenty of exposure over the years. We'll be lobbying the organisers over the next year to ensure a level bottom playing field."

Fans of Carol's bottom dismissed the complaints of the Pippa fans as sour grapes, as they partied the night away at the Arse Bar at Charing Cross. Celebrants quaffed champagne and toasted Carol's bottom into the wee small hours. Entertainment was provided by the bands, Chocolate Starfish, and Rusty Bullet Hole.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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