Today we publish sensational photographs of a crotch thought to be that of a famous celebrity. Several well known people have denied being the crotcher and annoyed gardeners are furious that their cloches have been photographed by paparazzis eager for a story.
'One crotch is much like another' said pant expert Jeremy Tool 'it is really difficult to pin down the crotch owner from photos on the internet.'
However, you can only expect your intrepid spoof hack to have discovered the truth. Today I can reveal all!! This crotch belongs to - This reporter must apologise to his readers, but an injuction has appeared through the stratosphere stopping me revealing the crotch holders name.
So now you know. Few people would have realised ££££ $$$$ had pissed in his pants shortly before this photograph was taken although some experts have suggested it is not piss but another substance and that it might have caused the e coli outbreak.
Look out for more crothches in these columns. Readers can send in their own examples as long as they are suitably clothed.