Written by Jalapenoman
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Topics: Magic

Sunday, 13 November 2005

image for Penn and Teller Air New Magic Special
Penn and Teller will make anyone disappear, for a fee.

Magicians Penn and Teller will broadcast a new magic special, in addition to their scheduled show in November, where they promise to make anything requested by the audience disappear.

Penn Gillette, the more talkative of the two, said that, "magicians have made the Great Wall of China disappear, along with the Statue of Liberty, the Eiffel Tower, airplanes, submarines, elephants, and automobiles. We promise on our new special to make anything disappear that members of our audience request."

"We've gotten a letter from the Democratic National Committee asking that we include President Bush and Rush Limbaugh to the list. The Republicans, on the other hand, want us to make the liberal media disappear. Children want us to get rid of school teachers, principals, homework, or mean ladies next door. The bloods want to get rid of the crips. The Hells Angels want to get rid of the Bandidos. The Yankees want to get rid of the Red Sox. Lindsay Lohan wants to get rid of Hillary Duff. Burger King wants to get rid of McDonalds. We think that we can make a fortune making people and things disappear for a price! After all, hitmen and the mob have been successful with this for a very long time."

When this reporter pointed out that objects made to disappear by musicians always reappeared at the end of the trick, Penn agreed. "Yes, that's the way we've done it in the past. Who says we have to follow the same rules? If Paris Hilton pays us to get rid of Nicole Ritchie, shouldn't the amount of money she donates to cover the cost of our magincal expenses guarantee that we don't bring her back?"

The duo anticipate that the cost of making someone disappear will be on a sliding scale. Obviously, the guy who flips burgers and wants to make his pimply faced boss disappear can't afford as much as the Democratic National Committee. He'll get charged a much lesser fee. We also anticipate that some things and people that everyone want to disappear may be really expensive."

"So far, the largest numbers of request involve the IRS, France, Iraq, the makers of television commercials for feminine hygeine products, and Paris Hilton."

When asked if he agreed with his partner, Teller just smiled and nodded his head.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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