LOS ANGELES - Cheryl Cole has been through quite a bit the past year. She was cheated on by her husband Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole. And she finally ended up divorcing the 'what was he thinking' womanizer.
She then fell into the arms of her BFF Derek Hough of Dancing With The Stars fame and the two traveled to Tanzania where she was bitten by a mosquito, contacting malaria, and becoming extremely sick.
Hough stood by her side as she recovered in London's Monty Python General Hospital. She then moved to America and moved in with "The Dancing Dude" in his Hollywood Hills mansion Casa Cha Cha Cha.
And soon afterwards she signed a $16 million contract with Simon "The Sultan of Sarcasm" Cowell to be one of the judges on his new reality show X-Factor.
But before the show even aired Chezza, as she is known in the United Kingdom and in the Falkland Islands, was unceremoniously dropped from her judge's job.
Cole was literally heartbroken and to add insult to injury she was quickly dumped by Derek Hough who told the entertainment media that he just got tired of Cheryl Cole always acting like a diva and yelling at everyone from cab drivers to waitresses, and homeless people to media reporters.
Cheryl was told by Simon Cowell that she could return to England and have her old judges job on the British show X-Factor but she declined the offer telling simple Simon to stick the judges job up his Tegucigalpa, which is slang for the Ipso Facto Buttinski Cavity.
Then as if Cowell was merely toying with Cole he informed her that she could return to be the judge on his American version of X-Factor.
Cole reportedly asked Cowell if he was effen kidding her or what? She became so upset that her mascara started running and it dripped down from her dimpled cheeks onto the ample cleavage of her bosom.
Cheryl told Cowell that he could take the American X-Factor job and stick it up his ex-girlfriend and new judge Paula Abdul's Oxnardian Orifice, which is slang for the Habeas Nolo Polo Assmosis Opening.
Cole told Simon that she was tired of being treated as if she was Lindsay Lohan and that she was going to hire Black Eyed Peas singer will.i.am to be her business manager.
According to Fuchsia Garfunkel of The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle will.i.am is thrilled beyond belief to be associated with Cheryl Cole because he has been trying to get into her pants since he first found out that she was divorcing her philandering husband Ashley Cole.
Garfunkel reported that Derek is so upset with Cheryl that he has asked her to return the $900 pet cockatoo named "Peaches" that he bought for her on one of their trips down to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.
Fuchsia Garfunkel and 4C will stay on top of the story and provide you with any developments as they may develop.