Written by Gordon Clarke
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Sunday, 5 June 2011

The latest series of BGT may have ended but not everyone is happy with the result.Sidney Bottomley of Scarborough, North Yorkshire claims he would have won if he had entered but was prevented from doing so by the judges' narrow mindedness.

"I went to the audition in Leeds," explains Sidney. "I was shown in to a room and introduced to the four judges.Simon asked what I did and I told him I was a singer. An unusual type of singer. I sing out of my anus.

"I was given the go ahead and promptly dropped my trousers,squatted down and defecated on the carpet.

"At this point I was roughly grabbed by two burly security men,man handled out of the door and thrown into the street. Still with my trousers around my ankles.

"How embarrassing. I was never given the chance to explain I was merely clearing my throat before my performance."

A spokesman for BGT said,"Sidney was surplus to requirements.The show was already full of shit."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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