Written by wadenelson
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Friday, 11 November 2005

LOS ANGELES (Writers) - Celebrity heiress Paris Hilton reportedly kissed a Los Angeles policeman after he didn't book boyfriend Stavros Niarchos, the driver of her Bently for DWI after he rammed the back of a truck while leaving an nightclub. The LA police department (LAPD) is reportedly investigating why an arrest wasn't made, aside from the fact that Paris Hilton kissed the officer. "Niarchos, it appears, is better at driving a boat than captaining a Bentley said Hilton's publicist, Ediot Mensch. "Especially when he's hammered."

A video of the crash is circulating on the internet and has become somewhat of a sensation as Paris Hilton appears to be the "only victim." Apparently her injuries were limited to her pocketbook, for paying for the repairs to the Bentley.

The videotape released by celebrity Web site TMZ.com shows Hilton's current man, Stavros Niarchos, slamming the luxury car into a truck as he and Paris left a Hollywood nightclub with a couple of other intoxicated passengers. The car is then seen speeding away from the scene. "Kinda funny that no one was charged with leaving the scene of an accident, said former Internal Affairs investigator Joe Friday. But right now, we're just collecting the facts.

With camera-wielding paparazzi on motorcycles and pursuit vehicles following the injured and coolant bleeding Bentley, Niarchos is shown speaking to Los Angeles police officers who pull him over. Despite an apparent lack of sobriety, the officers didn't bother giving him a breathalyzer, or making him walk the line, and then allowed Niarchos and Hilton to leave. According to one witness, "Apparently they've been taking lessons from the New Orleans Police when it comes to enforcing celebrity justice."

The backseaters were identified by TMZ.com as rocker Rod Stewart's "Do ya think I'm Sexy....and Rich" daughter, Kimberly Stewart, and Talon Tornado , star of MTV's reality show "Laguna Beach."

On the video, Torriero is reportedly heard telling his friends, "I'm the only sober one, let's just go." Paris Hilton, then blows a kiss to one of the policemen and is heard saying, "Thank you officer -- we love the police," before she steps into the car. Apparently she has learned how to suck up to the men in blue well enough to avoid jail for her boyfriends, who apparently are better at steering boats than they are at captaining a Bentley.

The Los Angeles Police Department said it has opened an investigation to determine whether the officers should have detained Niarchos, a sophmore at USC who was both under age, drunk, and commanding the Bentley's rudder.

"At the end of the day what seems to be going on here is that Paris is the only victim. It's a victimless crime, like Kate Moss blowing a sizeable fortune on cocaine," Hilton publicist Ediot Mensch told Writers. "The fact that her boyfriend walked when he should have been duck-walking with bracelets on is immaterial to Ms. Hilton. She was a poor, innocent, yet beautiful and exceedingly rich victim in all of this.

Mensch added: "It's all very upsetting (for Hilton) as you might imagine, the very idea that the rich and beautiful people are above the law, that "celebrity justice" applies only to her and her companions, and not the "little people." It's horribly unfair. I''m sure she's going to powder her nose, have a stiff martini, maybe some kinky sex, and try to forget about it. After all, she's Paris Hilton, and you're not"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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