Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 4 June 2011

image for Lindsay Lohan, Who Is Under 'House Arrest,' Explains Why Her Electronic Monitoring System Device Went Off
Lindsay Lohan shown in the swimming pool of her Venice Beach mansion, 'Lucky Lohan Land.'

VENICE BEACH - One of the luckiest women in the entire world has once again pushed her unbelievable luck past the point of being ridiculous.

Lindsay Lohan who was sentenced to serve 35 days under 'house arrest' in the cozy, comfort of her own home has tested the patience waters of the American justice system once again.

According to Tapioca Swizzle of Tittle Tattle Tonight "La Diva" Lohan actually took off her ankle bracelet, technically known as an electronic monitoring device.

Well needless to say the device instantly emitted a warning signal to the Venice Beach Police Department who immediately responded by driving out to Lohan's Venice Beach mansion, nicknamed Lucky Lohan Land.

Miss Swizzle stated that as soon as the officers arrived at Lohan's residence they instantly saw that her EMD was sitting on a coffee table in her living room.

Lohan was sitting on a love seat by herself reading a Barbara Cartland romance novel while watching reruns of Gilligan's Island with the sound turned down.

Officer Winslow Eggenspiller (badge #1798437) asked Miss Lohan why she had taken the EMD device off her ankle.

Lindsay smiled and said that she did not mean to but after she got bit by a mosquito and the bite started itching her like crazy she had no choice but to take the device off her ankle so that she could scratch the mosquito bite and make the itching go away.

Officer Eggenspiller shook his head as he gave her a stern look and told her to give him another excuse.

Lohan got a puzzled look on her face and replied that the EMD was just too tight and that she felt that it was cutting off circulation to her foot and she felt that it could cause her foot to fall asleep.

She continued by saying that she would not really realize that her foot had fallen asleep until she would have stood up to go to the fridge to get a beer, ah, Pepsi and then she would have fallen on her ass since she would not have been able to feel her foot since it was sleeping.

Officer Eggenspiller's partner Officer Ramiro De La Malagueña (badge #1798601) asked him if he wanted for him to go ahead and taser her lying butt.

Officer Eggenspiller replied that it would not be a good idea since he had noticed that they were being video taped with a hidden surveillance camera hidden in the Academy Award Statuette sitting on top of the big screen TV.

Lindsay Lohan insisted that it was really no big deal and said that it was not like she had started a prison riot or something. She giggled and asked the officers if they would like to have a piece of the pepperoni pizza that she'd had delivered from The Pompous Pizza Parlor in nearby West Hollywood.

The two officers passed on her offer and informed her that if she took the electronic monitoring device off again for whatever reason that she would run the risk of being held in contempt of the judge's decree and she could be arrested and this time she would be sent down to L.A's Zsa Zsa Gabor Prison for Women.

Lohan promised that she would keep the ankle bracelet on even when she was showering, swimming, or vavavooming.

Before Officers Eggenspiller and De La Malagueña left Lohan's home they asked her if she would autograph their Venice Beach Police Department issued handkerchiefs. She gladly complied and then quickly changed into a skimpy bikini bathing suit and had a photo taken with each officer.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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