HOLLYWOOD - Barbara Walters, the producer and head host of The View asked Sarah Palin to appear on her talk show.
Palin informed Walters that she would but only on certain conditions. The first was that Walters had to promise her that she would not allow co-hosts Joy Behar, Whoopi Goldberg, or Shari Shepherd to ambush her with geographical questions which would most certainly make her look like a third grader.
Palin pointed out that the second condition was that that Joy, Whoopi, and Shari would not be allowed to call her by some of her dozen or so nicknames including Crosshairs, Snowflake, Shotgun, Snow Plow, or The Brrrrr Bitch.
Walters gave the Grizzly Mama her word and let her know that if any of the members of the "Terrible Trio" went against her wishes that she would personally fine each one and suspend the guilty party for one week.
Whoopi did not like that statement one bit and yelled out that Walters was being very unreasonable and was actually trying to censor what the three could say or not say.
Walters, who in real life is a very soft-spoken Jewish woman replied by saying "Hey, lissen up Whoopster, it's my show. I pay the bills. I run the whole ball game...so if someone does not like my rules and regulations then all I can say is, and I'm quoting President Barack Obama here 'tough titty said the kitty.'"
GOP diva and fellow co-host Elisabeth "Snow White" Hasselbeck yelled out, "Right on Barb! You tell 'em girl. Bite the bitches on the left side of their left thinking butt cheek."
Walters stared at Hasselbeck. Pointed her finger at her and told her to shut the eff up before she loses her temper and fires her red state-loving cracker ass.
SIDENOTE: Barbara Walters is 81-years-old. She does not have any tattoos or body piercings.