Written by Nick Hobbs
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Thursday, 2 June 2011

image for Mass Recall As 'The Hunchback Of Notre Dame' To Be Retitled
Notre Dame, sporting it's anniversary 'pointy bits', not usually displayed.

'The Hunchback Of Notre Dame' is to be re-named, causing a public outburst of anger amongst fans of the world renowned literary masterpiece.

Council officials in the UK began the campaign for change in 2009, and the protest soon gathered pace, as many other EU countries joined in their indignation of the offensive title. The move was completed after a 100% for vote in Brussels this weekend.

The term hunchback, they argued, is upsetting for sufferers of the debilitating illness. They saw it was time to bring awareness, and remove the stigma attached to bent over, hump-backed, slavering weirdo's.

"They're people too," cried Sunderland council spokeswoman Sandra Bisset, picketing outside Doxford Park library.

The novel, penned by Victor Hugo, and originally published in 1831, has seen controversy before with it's title.

Originally released as 'Notre-Dame de Paris' (or 'Our Lady Of Paris) it was quickly changed when the publishers told Hugo 'that's a bit shit'. It was then that the 'Hunchback' moniker was first coined, to describe the title characters deformity.

The new working title, decided by a panel of six top literary critics, including Mariella Frostrup and Melvyn Bragg is to be 'The Disturbing And Heartwrenching Case Study Of A Camponologist Who Overcame Chronic Congenital Kyphosis, And Whom By Pure Happenstance Lived And Worked In And Around The Area Of Notre Dame In Paris, France, Who Was Needlessly And Ruthlessly Hounded To Death, And Whose Only Crime Was Love (Kidnapping Notwithstanding)'.

Current publications of the book, showing the original name, are to be withdrawn from all libraries, bookshops, and even car boot sales. Anyone found to be harbouring an old copy sporting the outlawed name after August 2012, will be heavily fined, and if found in possession with intent to supply, may face a prison term.

Police have offered an amnesty until August to hand in illegal copies.

Reprints will commence immediately, and the newly titled novel will be available in shops next week. Large format A4 copies will be available to accommodate the lengthy title.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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