Experienced celebrity stalker, Orlando Puckerbum, from Ryde, Isle Of Wight, last night revealed that he was becoming increasingly concerned about the physical welfare of top television celebrity, Britain's Got Talent judge, Amanda Holden.
Puckerbum admitted that he doesn't usually watch Britain's Got Talent, as he's usually out burgling houses or stalking celebrities, but that on Wednesday evening he made an exception, on account of being under a police curfew, and fitted with an ankle bracelet.
He said he was shocked and concerned when the cameras homed in on the BGT judges as the show opened.
"She looked positively pale," Puckerbum told Skoob Entertainment News. "I mean, ghostly. Her skin was almost translucent."
Puckerbum explained that Les Dennis's ex-wife's gaunt appearance dismayed him so greatly that he had to go to the kitchen and make a cup of tea.
When SEN supremo, Buffty Ginslinger called Amanda Holden's 'people' on the telephone this morning, they were quite adamant that Amanda Holden - who was once married to Les Dennis - is fine, and that even if she did look abnormally pale and waxy, it was probably just the make-up and the studio lights.
Puckerbum appeared unconvinced by SEN's reassurances, telling us:
"I'm not buying that. There's definitely something wrong with Manda - she's far too pale - anybody with eyes can see that. I know all about unnaturally pale people - I've been to Sunderland, so there's not much you can tell me about pallidity. I once wrote a book about it. Nobody published it, like, but I had to research all things pale people related, so you could say I'm an expert in my field. I just hope she hasn't been got at by vampires or cannibals or something. She'd be really vulnerable in that backless red dress."
Indeed. Or even Les Dennis. Who would probably just look ridiculous in a backless red dress.
More as we get it.