Written by Neil Levine
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Tuesday, 8 November 2005

image for Britney Spears Sends Her Little Bundle Of Joy Off To Get A Job!
The Terror Of Tiny Town

Hollywood, the Highway Of Broken Dreams---Unhappy, annoyed, dismayed and very ticked off at all the persnickety little demands Pint Sized Sean Spears Crying King Federline has been making at home, Britney Spears has decided to send the little sucker out to make money.


"We're going to let him pose for glamour photographers who need willing, cooperative, even eager little subjects to sit still so they can saturate their cameras with pixilated images that they can palm off on the rest of the world as art studies of babes willing to bare it in the name of family values."


"Unfortunately, Little Sean has short legs that don't stand up well, a flat bottom that needs to be covered by a diaper for obvious reasons that no one wants to expound profoundly on, fat, chubby cheeks, twinkly toes, thin grasping fingers and he doesn't know how to smile or hold still while topless, not that I think topless is the way to go, since I love him just the way he is, but Sean does seem to prefer life au natural, if you know what I mean and Kevin and I often find him lolling about topless. We haven't even been able to get the milk stains out of his baby shirts and he has a habit of getting ketchup in his tiny booties."


"Perhaps a more conventional situation might work wonders for my little dearie. I wonder how he would do at flipping hamburgers or tossing pizza. Maybe I should write up a small resume and send it out to some of the local casting agents. That could get us some offers for our babe to present to the world with his astonishing talents."


"But I'm sure if we look hard enough and long enough we'll find something rewarding for him to do."


The first agent Britney contacts says he is not interested in babes. The next tells her Sean will need a work permit. And on the agents go until Britney, in total exasperation, starts showing her little one the exciting moves that launched her career. "Oh, baby, you are the darling of my day."


And she went on to bust a couple of moves. "Baby, just one more time."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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