Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 26 May 2011

image for As Cheryl Cole Row Escalates Research Reveals That 95% Of Britons Don't Understand American Accents
That's Not Robert DeNiro!

Following the shock news that Geordie love Goddess, Cheryl Cole has been dropped from American X Factor because most of the US viewers find her Geordie accent indecipherable, a trans-Atlantic internet feud has broken out, with Brits saying that quite often they can't understand Americans either.

A common complaint from Britons is that when they go to their local multiplex to watch the latest Hollywood release, the actors in such productions tend to mumble, making whatever it may be they usually happen to be waffling on about, almost inaudible.

Most Britons said they had no problem understanding leading US broadcasters, or public figures, such as the President, Bill O'Reilly, Jerry Springer, or Oprah, but admitted to struggling to understand 'gator hunters in Louisiana, Arkansas hillbillies, demented pastors, and just about everybody from the deep south, and East and West coast rappers who have managed to mangle the English language beyond all recognition over the course of a couple of decades.

Oxford based dialect coach Jimmy McJames from Glasgow remarked:

"How the heck are we supposed to understand words like smidgeon, vittles, tarnation, yo, gangsta, sup, ornery, da hood, and shit like that? We can no more comprehend this rootin' tootin' crap than they can understand complicated words like pet, and why aye, and divvent. If you ask me, they want it all their own way, either that or they bomb the crap out of everything with Apache helicopters. As Russell Brand recently said, it wouldn't hurt them to listen occasionally, as opposed to talking non-stop."

Hollywood superstar, Al Pacino's PR people were said to be relieved that Al hadn't been singled out for criticism, explaining that if you shout very loudly and gesticulate for long enough, people will catch your drift eventually...

Controversial? Not really.

More as we can get a word in edgeways.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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