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Thursday, 26 May 2011

image for All Change At American X Factor As Cheryl Cole Is Fired And Pippa Middleton Is Hired!
"Haddaway an shite pet" Cole shatters the dreams of one X Factor hopeful at recent auditions.

The storm surrounding the sensational sacking of Cheryl Cole from American X Factor shows no signs of abating this morning, with the rumour mill working overtime processing and devouring snippet after snippet concerning the amazing axeing of the UK's sweetheart as they come to light.

And in a sensational coup diminutive, high-trousered pop Svengali, Simon Cowell, is said to have lined up Pippa Middleton as Chery's replacement to sit alongside Paula Abdul on Judges' row.

Speaking from a $1,5000,000 a-night suite in some big swanky hotel in LA he said, "Cheryl's a lovely girl but you can't make out a word she says. Haddaway and shite man woman man pet. What does that mean for goodness sake? It would only take her to drop a phrase like that into the show once and there'd be pandemonium. I'm not the bogey man here by the way. It's down to Fox really and they're a bunch of spineless tossers who wouldn't take a chance on anything other than a dead cert.

And I mean let's face it, Pippa's in a different league. She speaks like Royalty compared to poor Cheryl; the Americans will love her, and with that arse of hers if we stick her in something figure-hugging then we're quids in. Or should that be dollars," he went on to quip.

Meanwhile the Geordie songstress was said to be seething over developments, and a source close the devastated star warned to "Keep watching this space," because as far as Wor Chezza's concerned, "It's not over yet." The source refused to rule out that the crisis may well see the reformation of Girls Aloud adding, "Obviously that's something nobody wants to see happen really, but desperate times call for desperate measures."

Cheryl's former colleagues on the UK version of the show, Louis Walsh and Dannii Minouge, were saying nothing about the matter last night, and the silence is being seen by pundits and entertainment commentators alike as being down to the fact nobody could be arsed to track them down to ask either what they thought.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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