Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 25 May 2011

image for Dancing With The Stars: Hines Ward of The Pittsburgh Steelers Scores A Touchdown and Wins The Mirror Ball Trophy
A photo of one of Maksim Chmerkovskiy's pet snakes named 'Quick Step' which he gave to Hines Ward.

HOLLYWOOD - Well Hines Ward, a wide receiver for The Pittsburgh Steelers, may not have won this year's Super Bowl, but he did win first place to take the coveted Dancing With The Stars Mirror Ball Trophy.

Ward, who had never in his life danced before was paired with professional dancer Kym Johnson and the Australian lass turned him into a first class dancer.

Johnson told Pico de Gallo of Tittle Tattle Tonight how amazed she was at how easily Hines was able to learn his routines. She said that she recalled two years ago hearing Tony Dovolani complain to her about how lousy a dancer his partner Kate Gosselin was.

Tony told Kym that Kate not only had two left feet, she also had two left hips and two left tata's as well. He said that poor Kate was about as graceful as a boulder tumbling down from a mountain.

Kym also noted that last year Mark Ballas said that his partner Bristol "The Pistol" Palin was so hard to teach that he literally had to threaten her by telling her that if she did not learn her steps within a certain amount of time that he was not going to allow her, her usual afternoon sack of half a dozen Hostess Twinkies.

Hines said that at first during rehearsals he had a hard time trying to concentrate since Johnson has one of the most sensuously attractive looking bodies of any of the female pro dancers on the show.

He said that finally in order to be able to concentrate he just had to pretend that Kym looked like that horrible looking English singer Amy Winehouse.

Ward said once he was able to do that there was no stopping him. He managed to master the samba, the rumba, the tango, the paso doble, the cha cha cha, and the Viennese waltz in record time.

Kym said that she only had to penalize Hines for illegal use of the hands on three occasions. She smiled and added that the third time, they reviewed the instant replay tape and it clearly showed that it was actually her who committed the infraction.

Johnson giggled as she admitted that on several occasion she was also charged with encroachment, illegally downing the balls, and backfield in motion.

Disney star Chelsea Kane and Mark Ballas took third place and Kirstie Alley and Maksim Chmerkovskiy took second place.

When Hines was asked if there was anything to the rumor that he and Kym were involved romantically, he grinned and said that Kym was like a sister to him.

He then gave her the once over and changed it to 'like a cousin.' And after looking at her a little bit closer he admitted that as far as he was concerned he would love to be Kym's boyfriend if she would agree to it.

Kym could not be reached for a comment as she was trying to help Maksim and Mark pick up Kirstie off the dance floor after she had fallen down from sheer exhaustion and the fact that her girdle was too tight.

Tittle Tattle Tonight will stay with the Dancing With The Stars story and bring you any Hines Ward/Kym Johnson developments.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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