Written by P.M. Wortham
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Tuesday, 24 May 2011

image for Macaulay Culkin to Star in Halloween Eleven This Summer

Shaking that movie franchise tree one more time, Rob Zombie, director of the last movie in the Halloween Series, has recruited Home Alone child star Macaulay Culkin to reprise his role for one last romp with Michael Myers.

Mixing holidays and movie genres, Zombie, the man not the character, will be attempting to mix horror and comedy for a storyline which would normally be shown at Halloween but actually occurs during Summer Vacation. "I know, I know, it's a little confusing", says script writer Adeline Moore. "But Rob really knows how to mix Macaulay's slapstick with Myer's slasher scenes. Somehow it all works!"

Not wanting to give too much of the plot away, Moore did say that Myers is revived (again) except for the wrong holiday, and invades the Suburban Chicago home of the McAllister family, where the 30 year old Culkin missed, yes, another flight out west with his family for Summer Vacation. "Totally plausible. It could happen", said Moore. We wondered which part was plausible, Myers being revived for the eleventh time, him showing up at the home of the McAllisters on the wrong date, Macauley missing another flight, or the fact that Culkin's character (Kevin) was still 30 and living at home.

"Things have advanced a bit since the Home Alone series", says Moore. "This time he drives to the store for a toothbrush, and some Glenfiddich, and hilarity ensues while he builds even more complex booby traps for Myers. It's a scream. Literally!" It should be noted that Moore's last script writing assignment was for the Teletubbies kids show.

Critics feel that the Halloween series was already milked to death back in the 90's. "Please God, spare me from another Halloween movie", says New York film critic, Phyllis Steen. Two hours of seeing Culkin slapping his cheeks and screaming? I'd rather watch turtles screw at the zoo. It isn't very exciting either, but in the end you can say you saw, you know, something".

"Halloween Eleven, Michael Gets a Tan" will be released later this summer at a theater most likely not near you.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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